Meeting Luke in the orphanage. Stavropol, Russia.
So, about a year after Henry (our 3rd) was born, we knew we wanted another child. At the same time, the idea of letting God plan our children (i.e. when and if we would have more) was taking hold in me. I mean if I’m going to trust God in every other area of my life, I guess I’d better trust Him in that area too, right? If I didn’t, would that not be hypocritical? But I was 43. Good gracious. This is a fine time to be thinking about that.
The World Says…..
The world tells us we should stop having babies in our 40’s because of a host of medical problems for mother and child. But isn’t God bigger than that? And if we are still having cycles into our 40’s but are fearful about becoming pregnant, then we have to start talking about birth control. Yikes. We could talk about that for days. Are we preventing God from bringing someone into the world by using birth control?
Suffice it to say, after much research (my middle name) and talking to other women older than me, we decided to just leave it all up to God. We believed whatever God would bring would be a blessing to our family and our small minds could really not comprehend what He could possibly have in store for us. You might be saying “Boy that sure isn’t wisdom with all the technology we have in the world today. A little too much Pollyanna for me.” Maybe. Maybe not.
Finally, after making that decision, my monthly cycles became erratic. OK, Lord, what are you saying to us? Then sometimes they didn’t come and finally they stopped all together. God obviously had other plans. He had to get my mind wrapped around more children while approaching my mid-40’s and at the same time was refining those rough edges in preparation for those other plans.
The Desires Of My Heart
Since we still had a desire for another child, we took this as a clear sign that He wanted us to adopt or else, I believe, my cycles would have continued as normal. I believe this because if we are obedient, He says he will give us the desires of our heart. Well, another child was the desire of both our hearts. So we started the adoption process in November 2005.
But What About…..?
As we were making this final decision to adopt, many questions coursed through my mind. What about my other children? Will it take away from them to add another child? Will I love this child like I love my biological children? Will he be healthy? Will he be normal? What is normal?
OK, now I’m feeling less in control than ever. Who knows how this is going to turn out. I stepped up to some more serious prayer. I began praying for everything I could think of.
That the birth mother was healthy.
And her womb was healthy.
And the birth was perfect.
And the baby had loving, caring caretakers.
That the caretakers were always the same ones so he could attach to someone.
That I would know him when I saw him.
That he would be the first referral we received.
That he would be healthy.
That he would be uncircumcised like our other son so they would be the same.
That I would love him like I love our other children.
That our other children would welcome him and love him.
And the list went on.
I wrote these things in my journal because I have found, when I not only pray something, but specifically write it down and also thank God that these things are already done, it is the most effective. In fact, God says in this verse “write the vision and make it plain…” -Habakkuk 2:2.
So, we had our home study done, filled out tons of paperwork and then began what turned into a long wait.