The pic above is Sally and me. Still in Ethiopia. Our first night.
Flummoxing. 6 weeks after coming home with Sally. Selamawit. She is precious, happy and a good eater. The sleeping has me off kilter though. Yes, it is a gap year. A new baby born or adopted, a major move. It’s a gap year. My friends and I have clearly decided it takes a full year. Not 3 months. Not 6 months. But a full year to find that “new normal” and get back in a stride. But oh how difficult this gap year can be.
I am supposed to relax. To just focus on getting our new little girl acclimated and adjusted to a new life. No. That’s not right. There is every other element of life that must carry on too. I am thankful that it’s summer and I’m not worrying much about any sort of school. A little here and there on my mind. Emma has to learn some latin words to prepare for her new class this fall. Meg needs to learn her times tables. The boys. Just read. Heavy sigh.
So the sleeping. I am falling asleep about 12:30-1am. And waking up between 8-9am. With a little dark brown baby beside me. And that is pure joy. But then the day moves on. Matt has been up and working since 5 or 6 am. He has taken the big 4 kids on a walk/run in the neighborhood. Thank you Lord they are getting exercise.
By the time Sally and I are downstairs, much of the day has happened it seems. By the time I have a cup of tea, take my supplements and eat a bowl of cereal it is after 10am. Now what? Well, we could swim. We do have a pool and it is summer. Ok, get your bathing suits on. The next day. Now what? Uhh. I have a ton of stuff on my desk I must get to. Phone calls. Appointments. The bills. You guys just play the Wii. Or watch TV. Ugh. Nooooo. I want to throw the TVs out. They are satanic. A few good things. But the bad outweighs the good.
But for now. Watch tv. Guilt tries to climb up on my back. Brush it off. Pray. God please fill in these gaps that I cannot.
And then….and then…what about God? Oh my gosh. What about God? What about the time I NEED to spend with Him every morning? What about the time I need to talk about him EVERY DAY with my children? Where is it God? Help me find it please! Force me to do nothing else but that Father!!!
Every day I think – what should I do? How should I get back on track with this? And then the dailyness of the day ensues. People are hungry. People need clean clothes to wear. What are we going to eat for dinner tonight? Much less how are we helping these little people develop character, learn and know their Maker.
A shift, Oh Lord. A drive with the man you gave me. Escape for the moment from this Truman Show. A new visual. A change. A drive home. A speech from my in-house encourager. It’s time. Time to get back on track dear one. Oh no. Really? But my relief is late at night. When no one is awake. I can read in the dark and try to find my way.
Order. Praying for something simple now. 6am. That’s all.
I’m up. All is quiet. I read Your Word. 45 minutes of straight You Lord. So sublime. So powerful. Finding order in my days Lord. The quest now. And again.
YOU ordered the universe. Order is a part of You. If I order my days correctly with You at the very beginning – then I’m thinking you will help the rest fall into place. Yes. A simple concept. A basic spiritual law of the Universe.
Order in space. Order in snowflakes. Order in the law of sow and reap.
Chaos is the antithesis. Chaos is devilish. Chaos evokes evil. Anger. Murder and death. Anger toward my children because I haven’t gotten up early to be with You first. I haven’t ordered my day and a simple spiritual law has been defied. Ignored.
All the way to chaos in governments. Anger, pride, ego. That lead to war and death because, dear Lord, they have not sought you first. I pray for this country Lord – that at our next national elections – You/we would put into office men and women that understand how to order their days. To seek you first each day. To know that world order will not be accomplished without You at the helm. Amen in your Son’s name.
Thank you Lord for these days.
So relate to this post. I have often found myself in a quandry at one in the afternoon and suddenly I realize, “No time with God. No time in His Word.” Nothing really matters until that wonderful daily meeting takes place. All peace, order, and progress flows from being still and knowing He is God.
So true! Thanks for chiming in!
It’s been two years exactly since we added two more kids to our family through an Ethiopian adoption and I am only just starting to feel like I am getting my feet under me. Part of that has been making time for God again.
.-= Sharla´s last blog ..On Writing and Mothering =-.
Yes, my friend and I call it a gap year (or two :-) You had a year for each child! Congratulations!