The other day my children and I were standing in the front yard talking to one of my good friends. My 8 year old said to her “Daddy is moving home next week.” She thought “Oh my. Has there been some trouble? Did he move out and now he is moving back?” I have laughed about that little scene all week.
Well, the answer is no.
It’s something entirely different. After talking about this idea for almost 2 years (I looked back in my journal and noticed one of the dates on which we had been talking about it) Matthew, my husband, has decided he is going to move his law practice home. Yes, home. To our house. He will office out of our living room, which is situated quite well for an office. It almost seems like it was meant for that purpose.
Remember, we live in the house that I grew up in.
After my sweet daddy died back in 2005, my mother was ready to move to a smaller home and we thought it would be pretty neat to keep the house in the family. So we bought it and have been here for about 4 years now. The funny thing is, that living room was almost never used when we were growing up, except for a few holidays.
And the same has been true for us these 4 years. It is just sort of “off” the flow of the house. We have tried to make it a functional, useful room, but have simply never been successful. But….it is as if it was waiting for this moment. It is a perfect, very nice, office for him. It is right near the front door and the front hallway. Easy for people to enter. Easy for him to see who is walking up the path.
A lot of people think we are crazy to do this.
They think “how in the world will he operate a law practice with 4 children running around?” (For those that don’t know, we homeschool, so we are all here all day.) Some lawyer friends of his, though, know of those who have done it successfully. One lawyer even told of a doctor he knew that had his office in his home. We have watched our good friends with 8 children (in a different profession and also homeschooling) do this now for several years. We have read about people doing it all over the country in various other businesses. Most people did it several hundred years ago. Why not here and why not now? I haven’t gotten a satisfactory answer to that question yet.
The Age of Modernity
We have talked about and preached about (mostly my husband has), to anyone who is in earshot and interested, the idea that our modern culture (the last 150 years) has come close to destroying the family unit. From about 150 years ago back to 1000’s of years ago, 90-95% of the families lived, worked and learned together; most of them on a farm.
With the very quick advance of the industrial and then informational ages the family became fragmented. Dads left the farm to go to towns and factories. Then children left the home education of their parents to go to schools. With Dad gone to work, Mom could no longer do all of the work at home (the farm) by herself AND raise and educate the children. Little by little, these things became the norm. The changes in society were small, incremental, in the background, silent. Nobody noticed what was happening.
The 50’s and The 60’s
We arrived in the 1950’s and this new norm had been around long enough that nobody questioned it. The generations that did not know this new norm had died out and were probably not listened to if they were still alive because our disrespect for the elderly had begun to take hold too.
Then the 60’s arrived. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. The feminist revolution. Dissatisfied women. Women who felt oppressed. Women who, through several generations, had forgotten their true calling, their true nature. What would bring them their greatest joy.
Women wanted to be like men and their oppressed mothers pushed them into the thought that they should never be dependent on men. And the men were probably scared of them. Society started turning upside down.
The 70’s and Beyond
The 70’s turned into the 80’s with decadence and materialism at an all time high. It seemed as the 90’s progressed, there was a slight hint of noticing that maybe this way wasn’t all that it was purported to be. And then into the first decade of 2000. I, personally, see the pendulum starting to swing back now. I see women and men beginning to realize that they were, indeed, built in certain ways and that the joy of a man WILL NOT be the joy of a women. Or vice versa.
Great Strides in Civilization
And so as a result of all this activity over the last 150 years, what do we have? Well, we do have a very advanced civilization. We have gone to the moon, we can save people’s lives with the art of medicine, we have built magnificent things. But I have to ask the question, at what cost?
If we destroy the family, is it worth it?
We have boys in prison because their daddies weren’t there and their mama’s were too soft on them. We have girls giving their bodies for sex because they are just looking for love. They can’t find that love in their homes. I could go on and on. You know. You’ve seen the stories every day of your life since you were old enough to read.
Is it possible to keep the family intact. Is it possible to turn the over 50% divorce rate back to much less? Is it possible to get back the values, the morals, and the priorities of several centuries ago, yet have our advanced civilization?
Mom And Dad
What about the idea of a mother and a father working out of their home together, raising their children together? It seems to me with the internet, outsourcing and all the other technology we have today, that would not be a difficult task for lots and lots of people.
I’m going to say yes, there is a way to turn this nightmare around. It will be a slow process that will require serious self reflection and prayer for each person to figure out the way God can get them there. And this will probably take generations to accomplish on a large scale, but I have to believe it is possible.
Life-Changing
I think, hope, believe and pray that Daddy coming home will be life changing for our entire family. We will be forced to work together. The children will see what their Daddy does. Daddy will be more intimately involved in the teaching and raising of our children. This verse really talks about that idea for all of us; not just the mamas:
5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:5-9
We will become more focused on what our calling, as a family, truly is. I believe God has a calling for each family. He wanted a family in the beginning and so He created us, and gave us each a very specific purpose. A hope. A desire. A future. He says it in one of my favorite verses:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
And just so you know those plans will be the desires of your heart, here is another one:
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4
It All Starts Now
Today is Matthew’s last day of work in his old office downtown. Tomorrow he and his guy friends will be moving all of his stuff home. And Monday will be the first day of our new life. Wow! It is scary and exciting at the same time. You know, those two feelings produce the same physical sensations in our body, so I think I will just keep calling it exciting : )
There Will Be Tough Times
No doubt, our schedules will dramatically change. There will be hard moments. There will be times he will want to change the way I do things, and that will irritate the heck out of me. I am expecting this. And my goal is to go with the flow. To chill.
I know God has given him a vision and me a vision and that they are intertwined. He has given him gifts and me gifts. And if we can get it together, work together, bring our gifts together, and be kind and loving in the process – the sky is the limit. The family vision/calling – the reason God put us together and brought these children through us, can be realized. We can accomplish what God set out for us.
Anyone can!
Pray for me, please, that I am up to the task! I’m walking in new territory now. I’ll let you know how it goes : )
God Bless You!
What wonderful news!! I a happy for you all that you are able to do this.
Will he have a secretary coming to work at your house each day?
God bless you,
Ladonna
Way to go, Allison! I’ll be pulling for you and praying for you and hope that your incredibly courageous experiment is wildly successful with only a few bumps here and there and great joy, success, and fulfillment along the way! Thanks for taking the time to so share your journey with us.
Ladonna – Thank you! No secretary. He will be using his old secretary via email for a transition period phasing out in several months. There are lots of attorneys who do all there own document production and just have someone to answer phones, so he will be doing that. But with cell phones, email, call notes, etc. I think his phone won’t be a big deal. I believe as our children grow, they will get more involved, helping him and learning and ultimately apprenticing if they are interested. Our almost 12 year old is already chomping at the bit to help. In addition, he has a another lawyer that lives 90 miles away that he outsources about 10 hours of work a week too. Most of that communication is also through email.
Barry – Thanks so much. I really appreciate and covet the prayers!
What an exciting time for your family! I will keep you all in my prayers as you enter this new phase of your life.
I can really relate to all the feelings and emotions involved during a transition like what you are about to embark on! We have decided to homeschool our little ones. With the start of a new school year and our decision still fresh, we are dealing with the same questions that you posed.
For me change is never easy, even if I know that it is for the good! I just pray that we stay out of the way and open our hearts and minds to hear and know the path that God is choosing for our family. God bless you on your journey!
Hi Allison,
You are right to prepare yourself for a little strife and conflict. One of my friends, a homeschool mom and attorney, says that when you prepare for problems, the problems are never as bad as when you do not prepare for them!
Seriously, my husband has been home with us for most of our marriage. He is slightly opinionated about things around the house that most men never even notice. At times, that can make me edgy to say the least. But, then, the benefits far outweigh the aggravations. He was in the kitchen washing tomatoes with me on Tuesday night and on Wednesday was in and out of the kitchen all day helping me make salsa.
Today, in between helping one of our sons work at a local cemetery, he came in and juiced carrots for me. He is the gardener in the family and all my children have learned about it from him. (I am a wimp and prefer to be in the house.)
We have three sons and because he has always been at home or next door at the church during their lives, they know how to do things that many young men do not know how to do.
They service our lawn mowers, change oil in our various vehicles, help in the wood working shop, and have helped in our remodeling, learning to run electric lines, do plumbing, staining, sanding and finishing wood, etc.
When my husband’s ministry calls him away for more than a few hours, we take turns going with him. When we cannot, he often asks us to NOT do our reading until he returns. He has enjoyed our reading aloud as much as the children.
Our children also spent lots of time at our churches when we lived next door in a parsonage and helped to minister and do maintenance on the church.
I am very blessed to have a stay at home, now, semi-retired husband/pastor. We are enjoying going with him now to various churches.
I am sure your children will learn a great deal about working with the public through answering the business phone and helping their dad in many ways as they grow older.
God bless you,
Ladonna
Why not, indeed, Allison…it will be wonderful!
Psalms 37:4 is my husband’s favorite bible verse. It was his first Christmas present I cross stitched the verse for him. Five years later and living in North Platte NE I am looking at that verse on my wall
YES, what a wonderful series of events leading up to a monumental landmark in your lives. Just having the “daddy voice,” as I call it, around the atmosphere of your home will produce even more results and changes that you can imagine. You explained so succinctly how we’ve strayed so far from what families HAVE ALWAYS DONE!!! In Jesus’ Name, the pendulum will keep swinging away from the fragmented family to a place of true health and wholeness. Healthy families mean a healthy world, one family at a time!!! It IS a family thing!!! Yahoo!!! Thank you for saying it boldly and bluntly. Keep it up!
How Exciting! I love the days when G is at home in his office. What fun coffee breaks for everyone! Hope it is all that you pray it will be!!
Beth-Be blessed in your homeschooling adventure. You are their best teacher. Be kind to yourself in the process and let it just evolve little by little. I enjoyed your website!
Ladonna – Wow! What a great testimony to this whole thing. Thank you for the encouragement. I definitely agree that the benefits seem to outweigh the aggravations.
Catherine – I agree!
Mayme – Isnt that verse just awesome. Makes you realize God has it all figured out, to say the least!!
Jen – Thank you for your encouragement and your example of this kind of life over the last 2 years. You guys are a model family I know many more people over the years will see and follow and that will help that pendulum swing back even more!
Kate – Thank you for your prayers and great to hear from you!
And for an update – This morning is the start of Day 2. Day 1 was absolutely fantastic. It was very busy, boxes everywhere, phone men installing phone/internet lines, but the peace in my heart was palpable. The children did well, we all had lunch together, Dad got a lot done and loved his first day, we did some good school while baby napped, the atmosphere was just brimming with peace, activity, and a fullness that the team is all under one roof now. What a secure feeling that is. Thank you Lord!
I really admire you guys for making this decision. In some ways I feel like it is too late for my husband and I to make changes like that (his job doesn’t offer that kind of flexibility), but I’ve been thinking about how I can encourage my kids to think about how their future jobs will impact their family life.
Kellie-Thank you and great thinking on the children! Of course who knows what God has in store for any of us, but I do believe if something is truly the desire of our hearts, anything is possible. God Bless and you have a great website!