This is a story about one of those God moments that completely and totally changes one’s perspective. And boy did I need it.
It was November 5, 2010. We had started the adoption process for Sally in the fall of 2009. Almost a year had gone by. We were in the waiting stage. And I was to turn 50 in 1 month.
I was simply in one of those modes of doubt and the main reason was that I was about to turn 50. I’d been thinking on and off about it all year. Good grief. I’d already started having children later than most (37) and here I am about to bring a one-year-old into our home again. Do I have the energy for this? Am I just completely nuts?
I said that, but in the next breath thought – No…. well….. maybe I am, but that is actually irrelevant. The point is, it seems we are just being led down this path of children from far away places. We pray, we ask for direction, we say we just want to be obedient Lord. Is it hard work? Yes, it is. But, as tired as I can be at the end of the day, it’s all seems to be ok when my head hits the pillow. When all is quiet. And when I rise the next morning. A new day.
I don’t want to sit around on my deriere and do nothing with this gift of life. What more important thing could there be? For me? At this stage? I can’t think of anything.
Anyway, I was having a very down day, wondering if I’m really doing the right thing. I sat down with my bible that morning and I just fervently prayed “God, help me please. Show me, somehow, if this is what we should be doing. It seems so….so…..out of the ordinary. Not normal. (Have I ever done the normal thing??) After I prayed I decided to open my bible to a random place and that, maybe, there would be a message on one of the 2 pages I’d open to. I’d done this before and it had worked.
I opened to page 894-5. Starting at John 8:53. Amazingly, to me, at verse 57 it says “You are not yet 50 years old.” What???
It didn’t really matter what the context was. I can’t believe it says this here! To me, it was as if God was saying “Hey my dear. You are not yet 50 years old. You have many more years of life and many more tasks I have in store for you. 50 is not a big deal. So let’s move on to more important things.” Ok God. I will embrace that. So then I read on.
On the opposite page at John 10:14-16, it says this: “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me– just as the Father knows me and I know the Father and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.”
Well! That sounded, to me, like I have more babies out there and I have got to bring them to my sheep pen. They are my children and I am their mother….or sheep herder :)
And here we are in May 2012. I’m 51 1/2. We have our dossier in to Ethiopia again for a precious little boy. Out of the ordinary? Yes. Honestly, I guess I kind of like being that way though.
God is in every moment. In every detail. It will pass us by if we don’t stop and pay attention. I want to remember to see the small signs, the coincidences, the beauty and the order of it all.
Thank you Lord for speaking to me and giving me ears to hear You. Let Your will be done.